Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
