oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
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What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
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I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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