Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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