he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
