what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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