OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
