When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
