There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
