atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
