where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
