Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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