I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
