i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
