Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just blew my weed a kiss
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
