The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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