I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
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there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
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