I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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