I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
