i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
