don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
