so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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