I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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