what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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