1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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