It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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