It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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