Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
