So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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