Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just found puke in my bra..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
