HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
