Having a random hookup so left but love u
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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