My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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