Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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