i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
