Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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