I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
