he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
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How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
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I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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