My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
