I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
