Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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