Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
God I need to hump something, right now.
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