It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
