They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
