I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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