u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
