We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
