i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
