If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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