just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
