I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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