There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
