Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
