So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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