i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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