How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
