Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
