Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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