Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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