Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
