i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
