I wish you could order shots online.
nutella sex= disaster
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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