I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So much rum. So many feels.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
