nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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