SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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