In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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