Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
