Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
