How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
