WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
