The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
