I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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