I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
