What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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