THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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