upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
