And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
