I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
