lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
