Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
