So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
