you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
