you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
