"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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