Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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