We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
