??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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