New invention idea: vibrating tampons
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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