i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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