FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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