I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
