doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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