It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
