My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
