five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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