i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
