So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she pinky promised me she was 18
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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